Why the Obituary Matters
An obituary is more than an announcement of death — it is a brief biography, a public tribute, and a lasting record of a person's place in the world. It tells others not just that someone died, but who they were. A well-written obituary brings comfort to those who are grieving and ensures the person's memory is carried forward with dignity and truth.
Writing one for someone you love can feel daunting. This guide breaks it down into manageable steps.
The Core Elements of an Obituary
Most obituaries include some or all of the following:
- Full name — including any nicknames the person was widely known by
- Age and date of death
- Place of death — city, state; you do not need to specify a hospital or home
- Place and date of birth
- Brief life narrative — where they grew up, education, career, major life milestones
- Surviving family members — spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings, typically listed by relationship and first name
- Predeceased family members — those who died before them
- Personal qualities and passions — what they loved, what they gave to others, what they will be remembered for
- Service information — date, time, and location of any services, if made public
- Memorial donations — if the family wishes to suggest a charitable organization in lieu of flowers
How to Start: The Opening Sentence
The opening sentence sets the tone. It should introduce the person by name and anchor them in their life — not just their death. Compare these two approaches:
Less personal: "John David Miller, 74, passed away on April 18, 2025."
More personal: "John David Miller, a lifelong carpenter and devoted grandfather of seven, passed away peacefully on April 18, 2025, at his home in Burlington, Vermont."
The second version immediately tells us something true and specific about who John was.
Capturing Who They Really Were
This is where many obituaries fall flat — listing facts without conveying the person's essence. To write something genuinely meaningful, ask yourself:
- What did they love most in life?
- What were they known for among friends and family?
- What did they do for others?
- What was their sense of humor like?
- What would they want people to remember about them?
A single specific detail — "she never missed a grandchild's birthday, no matter the distance" — does more to evoke a real person than three sentences of general praise.
Tone and Length
The tone should match the person. A formal obituary suits someone who lived a formal life; a warm, even humorous tribute suits someone who was known for their laughter and lightness. There is no rule that obituaries must be solemn. Many of the most memorable ones are infused with love, humor, and personality.
For newspaper publication, most obituaries run between 150 and 400 words, as publications often charge by the word or line. Online obituaries on memorial platforms allow for much greater length and can include photographs, videos, and guestbook entries.
Where to Publish an Obituary
- Local newspapers: The traditional venue; contact the paper's obituary desk for submission guidelines and deadlines
- Funeral home website: Most funeral homes publish obituaries on their own websites as part of their services
- Legacy.com and similar platforms: National online obituary platforms that aggregate listings and allow friends to leave condolences
- Social media: Many families now share obituaries or personal tributes on Facebook and other platforms to reach a broader community
A Final Word
Don't aim for perfection — aim for truth. The people who loved the deceased don't need polished prose; they need to recognize the person they miss. Write from your heart, include the details that made this person irreplaceable, and trust that your honesty will be the greatest tribute of all.